The Honeymoon Ended For Me
6I’ve noticed something in the 4 1/2 years we have been a church, something most people seem to have experienced at True Life (not everyone, but most). Here’s how it goes:
- A person comes into True Life and often loves our church right away.
- They hate missing service, want to help in any way possible, find everyone so warm and inviting, and re-arrange their schedules in order to engage in whatever is going on.
- Some would even say it’s the best church they’ve ever been to (I know, crazy).
And then……
...the honeymoon ends.
- They realize we’re not as great as they thought we were. Not that they ever thought we were the perfect church, but the weight of our imperfections suddenly feel personal.
- Maybe they get involved and put on a team, and realize that other people can be really annoying, so “why put up with this crap; after all, I’m only a volunteer.”
- Maybe they join a life group and realize that some people are condescending, some people talk only in Christian cliches, and some people simply complain too much.
- They love the sermons until Pastor Chris had to talk about that one topic that really offended my guest.
- They are super relieved that there is never any politics at True Life...until they realize that anywhere there are more than 2 people involved there will be manipulating and gossipping and alliance-building.
However it happens, the honeymoon always ends.
It ended for me, too, with True Life.
You think you have a list of things wrong with our church? I would bet one of my dog’s remaining three legs that my list going into 2017 was much longer. Here are just a few things swiming around in my soul a year ago:
- Many of my expectations have not been met.
- I have felt misunderstood and gossipped about.
- It often seems like if people agree with my decisions then I am “being led by the Spirit;” but if they disagree with my decisions I am “trying to please the other side.”
- I have worried often about folks not getting along with each other, refusing to give each other the benefit of the doubt.
Sometimes I could bring all that stuff to God, give it to him and leave it there. But there were days when a switch went off in my soul and everything just built up into great discouragement.
I was having one of those days last spring. I was walking around my neighborhood in the morning, praying to God (well, really complaining to God about what is wrong with True Life). I put on the song “Oh Praise the Name.”
While listening to it, I felt like God stopped me and said “I didn’t just die for the sins of the world; I died for all the people at True Life.”
If that was not enough to stop my little pity-party, I felt like God then said to me: “And I want you to die for them, too.”
This was not a new concept for me. I have been taught - and re-taught -- that pastoral ministry is not about self-promotion but sacrifice and self-denial. But it hit me in a new way that day while walking around the neighborhood last spring.
Since then, I have felt something change in my heart. A new love for all the people of True lIfe. A new gratitutde for this community he has put my family into. A greater realization of how big of a liability I can be to True Life on some days. A greater joy in just being around everyone.
In other words -- when the honeymoon ends, it doesn't have to be a bad thing.
Just like in marriage -- it is only when the honeymoon is over that we can really start experiencing the nitty-gritty every-day aspects of marital love, so it is with the local church community -- only when the honeymoon is over can we really start living out the “one-another” commands that Jesus, Paul, Peter and John wrote to the church community.
When the honeymoon is over, it's an opportunity to die to some things and see God resurrect new things in their place.
Has the honeymoon with True Life ended for you? Great. Now is a great opportunity for you to lean in -- not out --- and die to your expectations and pity-parties and finger-pointing and let God's Spirit resurrect something new in your heart.
Who knows what He will do in 2018!
Love you all.
More than I did last year:)
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6 Comments
Alison Jan 17, 2018 @ 6:21 am
Thanks for this reminder Chris, thanks for sharing your candid and honest heart evaluation. I, myself, have had several Honeymoons end and I’m the better (and better for God’s work) for them.
Judy Jan 10, 2018 @ 1:09 pm
Wow that is so great!! I def connected with it...it does apply to other areas of our lives...for me when the honeymoon was over in a church I began to think this isnt for me anymore maybe its time to move on, its not fulfilling me etc...the more my focus was not on God the more I wanted to flee to stay in that honeymoon zone...the more I pointed the finger outward instead of inward...lets face it we all want to just feel good all the time and want life to be as bliss as it can be hoping to avoid satans pitfalls....we flee and as it turns out we are running from ourselves...in every situation there we are...we can run but certainly cant hide from ourselves...or God...I have to say I went through this stage as Chris calls it the Honeymoon stage...the presence at Truth Life is so engaging and wonderful, I just love the closeness and how everyone reaches out...what do you do when the high wheres off?, not that anything at church changed it was me feeling depleted and my attitude and emotions of lifes stresses distorted my thinking and perspective, feeling gee noone reached out today to me at church or this one seems to not like me, what did I do? Maybe I felt at times, maybe something shouldnt of been said a certain way...but i lift it up to God and if it continued to bother me I would communicate it...you will never be able to go to any church where you at some time be subject to something you didnt like, dont forget Jesus came because NONE of us can be perfect without faults and/or sin in our lives......seriously the devil has a way of using our vulnerabilities if your not careful...I recognized these patterns in me and I know that others are feeling the same way you do at times...someone might be thinking the same thing about you...gee Judy walked right by didnt say hi ... Dont let the devil get in there....thoughts are things so think because where your thoughts are your actions will be....so I stay firm and planted and remember who I am at church for? God and to just love and reach out to others because God has taken care of the rest for me, Praise God for that because my spiritual walk is flourishing for the first time in a long time.. and I may not always be in the honeymoon stage of life and getting my emotional needs met because that comes from God not flesh or earthly things...when he is the focus everything around us falls into place...its been a weight lifted and a release to feel free to allow God to get me through it all right where I stand, sinful nature and all..I dont have to be anyone but me and he will show me the way.. :) True Life, you are such a blessing and although none of us are perfect, I am here for better or worse as God the potter continues to mold us all...I love the direction we are headed in and so excited to see more of what God is doing in our church... Communication is the key if God places something on your heart you feel you need to get off your chest whether it be something Chris has said in a way that offended you, or someone else in the church the bible indicates not to gossip about it but go to that person to clear things up as you pray about it... thats an example lol not saying any of this is going on..lol again so excited for 2018 here at True Life!! xo
Christy Jan 10, 2018 @ 6:23 am
Great Post
Debi Holliday Jan 10, 2018 @ 12:18 am
Yup....the "love one another" part of being in church body life is where the character building opportunities multiply! Honestly, my journey with True Life had no honeymoon.....I guess I came in a bit jaded. Thankfully, I kept my eyes and heart open enough to see and hear the prevailing authenticity of truth and love, and I appreciated being accepted "as is"
carolan ammirata Jan 9, 2018 @ 6:14 pm
Wow..that was heartfelt and true..the honeymoon ended for a combination of those reasons but more due to me and my journey. I still appreciate how passionate you are and how blessed your parishioners should really be having someone like you. I'm glad to see that you continue never to give up.xo
Elaine Visco Jan 9, 2018 @ 6:11 pm
Pastor Chris,
You are so real and truly anointed by God to deliver,teach and preach His word and truth
Thank you for always sharing what is in your heart Good and the not so good but defitnily always true to life "True Life"
I appreciate your honesity and your humility
And always preaching and teaching us truth and not tickling our ears with a feel-good message
I walk away after hearing each message that you preach and teach, thinking
I want to grow and be more Christ like and share the word ,I never feel condemned or hopeless .
.God bless you and your beautiful family Elaine Visco