“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift." - Matthew 5:23

This is not an explicitly traditional "Lent" passage, but hang tight and I'll show you how it ties in.

During our current series "Prince of Peace," we've talked about how to deal with conflict, and we're currently in the middle of a life group devoted to this theme.

Usually our focus is on how to handle someone else's sin against us, what to do when we are the ones offended. 

But sometimes we're not the offended one. That's when it can get confusing. That's when certain questions pop in our heads: What if I'm not the one hurt? What if someone else is hurt or bothered by me, and they're not coming to talk to me? And what if I think they're being a baby? 

Well, according to Jesus, if we know someone is offended by us, the ball is still in our court:

“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift." - Matthew 5:23

That's right. If we know someone else is hurt by us, we are still to go to them. 

In other words, as Christ-followers, the ball is always in our court! 

I don't like that. I mean, what if it’s ridiculous? What if I think they’re being too sensitive?  

I don't think Jesus is telling us to apologize for things that we did not do; that would be peace-faking, as we talked about in this series. He’s saying to be reconciled. Attempt to make it work. Attempt to at least hear them out.

There may be changes you can make for the sake of that other person. 

Perhaps the way you speak to them comes off rudely, and because of past pain, they are extra sensitive to your tone. Well, the loving thing to do would be to change your tone. It doesn't mean what you were doing was necessarily wrong, but you could change how you communicate for the sake of love. 

But isn't that being a people-pleaser? you may ask. 

People-pleasing would be to change our tone and behavior because we are afraid of the person's rejection. People-pleasing would be if we walked on egg shells out of a codependent need to be liked by the person. 

But there is a time to give up what we feel we have the rights to in order to not unnecessarily offend someone else.

When talking about why he didn't take money from the Corinthian church, even though he had the right to, Paul said:  

19 Though I am free and belong to no one, I have made myself a slave to everyone,to win as many as possible. 20 To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews.To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. …..I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some. (1 Corinthians 9:19-20, 22b).

The gospel of Jesus is offensive enough, but we should be willing to give up our personal rights in order to not unnecessarily offend someone about smaller matters. 

We should seek to please for the sake of Jesus’ kingdom and to make sure we are not distracting them from knowing and trusting Christ. 

If how I speak comes off rude, I’m not going to insist “Well this is how I talk, so get used to it!” That would not be loving. 

And this is where it ties into the season of Lent, which is about meditating on all Jesus purchased for us.

His life and death -- and the way he loved while dying - is the ultimate example of how to love people even when we have a right not to, how to pursue people even when we can reasonably cross our arms and say, "Oh well, I don't have to be friends with everyone" (which is obviously true in theory, but usually that is stated when we want justification for ending a friendship or giving up on someone because their issues are too burdensome). 

But that's not all. He is not just the ultimate example for us, but also the power that enables us to become like Him. Through our faith in His death and resurrection, we receive his powerful Spirit that then births the fruit of Christlikeness: love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, kindness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). 

In other words, if we belong to Jesus, our love for others should not be based on whether they are getting in the way of our rights. 

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So yeah, if someone is offended by you, and you know it, go attempt to address it and be willing to make any other changes that might help the person. Not to enable. But to love like Christ. 

Ask God to help you discern the difference.