Over the past decade or so I have become more interested in the church calendar including the season of Lent. I was not raised in the Catholic Church, so the rhythms that some of my friends participated in growing up were not familiar to me until adulthood. As I have discovered more about this season, one of the traditional anticipatory periods of the church calendar, I have implemented more traditions and spiritual habits for myself and my family. 

One year I heard about “almsgiving” where I took the kids to our pantry and we donated a food item each day. Some years I don’t eat meat on Fridays. One year I found a Lent playlist on Spotify and listened to that on repeat. I’ve never implemented these disciplines in an effort to be on my best behavior for forty days, but as a reminder to myself that I am in a period of waiting. This year I purchased a scratch-off calendar with different words to describe Jesus on each day and we are over a week behind. I am not a very disciplined person, so I don't know why I set out each year to implement new ways to reflect during this season. Even though I often fail to stick to the plan, I still get so much out of this season every year. Which may be part of a bigger Plan: the effort of trying to do anything consistently for over a month brings me to the realization that I can’t. And I think that is a picture for me of human existence after the fall. We cannot do anything out of our own strength, but the world and our own sin nature convinces us that we can, especially if we dress it up enough. We can fix our marriages if we go to the right conferences. We can be better, more godly parents by reading all the right books. We can spend consistent time in the word if we have the right Bible or the perfect accountability partner. We put our hope in things of this world and not in our only hope, Jesus Christ.  

 I have never considered myself one who struggles with feeling like I need to perform works to earn my salvation, but I do strive to optimize my spirituality. And the scary part is that I do it without realizing. Most evenings I think about all the ways I was disappointed in myself that day and think about how I will be better tomorrow. Tomorrow I am going to wake up early and spend time with the Lord, I am not going to lose my temper, I am not going to be negative, I am not going to gossip… you get the idea. But I can’t do anything on my own strength. Lent is a wonderful lens that shows me this reality year after year. My daughter spends most of her time snuggled in mine or my husband’s lap. She does nothing while she is there. Her mind doesn’t think of ways to be a better daughter or ideas for deepening our bond. She just sinks in and exists in that space and receives our love. During Lent or any other time of the year, there is nothing any of us can do to earn Christ’s love, nearness or salvation. He chose each of us exactly as we are to be His child and to exist in the space of His love before anything else we do.