Like any and every marriage, Kat and mine is far from perfect.  We have only been together as husband and wife for nine years (in June) so we are not “veterans.”  That said, we have found a few disciplines, both specifically “spiritual” and less so, that have been part of the glue that keeps us together in what I think we both consider to be a good marriage. Three in particular come to mind.  

I’ll start with the specifically spiritual one.  Every weekday morning we take a few minutes to pray together before heading off to work.  Generally we begin by praying for each other’s day and then move on to needs in our church and among family and friends. I’ve found that anytime “two or more are gathered” prayer tends to be more intimate. How much more is this true than when you are praying with your life partner and best friend?

Then we do something that, frankly, is going to sound a little silly to some of you, maybe even unbearably “cutesy.”  Whoever leaves first by car for their job knows that the other one will be waving (and, yes, blowing a kiss or two) from whatever the most convenient window in our home happens to be.  We almost never fail to do this.  If one of us is unable to do so or forgets, that person usually sends a “kiss, kiss, wave, wave” text from the driver’s seat once the error is realized (while stopped at a light, of course).

The last little “happy marriage” tip I’m going to share actually happens the night before.  We always kiss each other goodnight.  We once heard about this practice from a couple being interviewed who were married nearly 75 years when asked about one thing they did to enjoy a successful marriage for three-quarters of a century.  This was the answer for both of them … Kiss each other goodnight every night.  So that seemed like kind of a “no-brainer” to both of us.

So there you have it, “The Oakley Plan for a Healthy Marriage.”  These three things admittedly might sound a bit shallow, but the fact is they really do seem to work.  Of course there is much more to keeping a marriage healthy than these practices, and we’ve had to work just as hard as anyone else with the “deeper stuff,” believe me.  But never underestimate the small things just because they’re small.  Authentic marital love manifests itself in many ways, and some short but loving gestures have a bigger influence than you may know.