A few weeks ago I realized that I was having an issue with the “other” political party -- it was a definite heart issue. I was feeling angry with the party and their agenda that I believe was going to take America to a place that it has never been and it is not going to be a good place. As far as individuals, family, friends, etc. I did not have anger towards them, but maybe frustration of "Why can't they see this?" or "How can they support such an ugly plan?" But I did not allow it to stir anger towards them. So, last week I saw and acknowledged that is where my heart and mind was.

Then this week, Joe and I were on his Facebook trying to deactivate his account. As we were farting around trying to figure out how to deactivate it, we got side-tracked by a response by my aunt to a political post that Joe posted. I don't remember what he posted exactly, but it was in support of who he believes is the best candidate for presidency. It was not an attack of any kind, just expressing what he believes. Her response was such an attack simply because he was a supporter of the “other side” of her beliefs and how she just deleted 300 people and is still deleting simply because they supported the “other side”.

It ticked me off! How can she just delete people just because they don't think like she does? I literally grabbed Joe's phone from his hand and responded to her. My response was, "I guess Joe and I are next to be deleted, since we support the 'other side?' Since when do we just delete people from our lives because we think, believe, look, or live differently?"

Her hate for the other side was so intense that she couldn’t see what my point of my response was. It turned into a back forth battle between us. I have been angry, offended and hurt by her anger towards me and her calling me a hypocrite for supporting the other side with, "How can you call yourself a Christian and support him?" Multiple times she called me a hypocrite. It really was ticking me off!

I was recognizing that I was going to a place that was not good. My heart and my words were not representing Christ. We have been following along with the 40 Days of Prayer with our denomination and one day was focused on Psalms 139. That devotion led me to say, "Search me O Lord." I knew my heart and mind were not in a good place with this and then I saw people-pleasing creeping up. I was finding myself feeling anxiety simply because she was angry with me. So, I have been staying off of Joe's FB (because I kept going on to see what her next reaction was) and praying about this. 

Joe and I have been reading a book the last couple of months and this morning as I went through chapter 6 again and processed with the questions and scripture from the study guide, it all came together. The scripture is 2 Corinthians 6:3-10. I looked at the scripture in a couple different translations and the NLT spoke loudly to me. The highlighted parts are the parts that really stuck out for me

3 We live in such a way that no one will stumble because of us, and no one will find fault with our ministry. 4 In everything we do, we show that we are true ministers of God. We patiently endure troubles and hardships and calamities of every kind. 5 We have been beaten, been put in prison, faced angry mobs, worked to exhaustion, endured sleepless nights, and gone without food. 6We prove ourselves by our purity, our understanding, our patience, our kindness, by the Holy Spirit within us, and by our sincere love.7 We faithfully preach the truth. God's power is working in us. We use the weapons of righteousness in the right hand for attack and the left hand for defense. 8 We serve God whether people honor us or despise us, whether they slander us or praise us. We are honest, but they call us impostors. 9 We are ignored, even though we are well known. We live close to death, but we are still alive. We have been beaten, but we have not been killed. 10 Our hearts ache, but we always have joy. We are poor, but we give spiritual riches to others. We own nothing, and yet we have everything.

The question of reflection of the current chapter of the book we are reading was  "Which of the four practices (examining family of origin, anxiety, feelings, reactions) are particularly important for you in this season? Why?"

Examining that question led to examining my heart in this situation. My feelings were hurt, anger and offense. I felt attacked as a Christian and as a person who saw something differently than another. Even as I am writing at this moment, fear comes to mind too.

This is what God revealed to me with this scripture:

You are going to be hurt, offended, misunderstood and maybe even beaten as Paul did or go without food as Paul did. You will endure a lot of different and intense things in life. You will feel a lot of different and intense feelings in life. But it is your reaction in those situations and feelings that will count. Don't allow your reactions to be stumbling blocks for others. Don’t allow your reactions to be a stumbling block for yourself. Don't allow your reactions to be a way others can find fault in your ministry. Prove yourself by your purity, understanding, patience, kindness, and your sincere love. The world is full of people acting out in their feelings and emotions. If you are not using the weapons' of righteousness you will not be able to love others as I love you. You will be a stumbling block for others and discredit the ministry.